My Dearest Friend, Your recent post nailed me and I cannot recoil against the truth in your rebuke. It is to my own shame that cowardice is my new black. Let this gown be removed, O LORD!
I do not want to live my life ashamed to be who Creator GOD made me to be. In the corners of the church gates, I smile, shake hands and present as if I hold all power of the universe in my hands; Knowing my only power comes from the One Who has delivered me time and time again- The same One Who longs to deliver all and loves every person without condition.
Decades of feigned superiority and cleanliness has served me to only deepen my shame for I know when opportunity rose, I struck out against the insolence of sinners “bound for hell”- like Saul on the road to Dmascus. No one escaped my personal disdain for no one was as good as I; most of all those who dared sin in my own eyes. But as you have stated, dear friend, who am I?
I have considered myself a saint. Bible-like, you know? I have heard the WORD of GOD and believe it full measure; wielding it as a sword against the unworthy, loathesome pagans of this workd.
Forty years and more, I have not ceased to respeak the Gospel with emphasis on those who did not receive it; those who I never offered it to. I am quite good at it, they say.
To my chagrin you questioned me and I was appalled at your audacity. Then you shut me down with a prayer as I struggled to defend my own uprightness. You smiled that smile of acceptance and forgiveness at me, then I knew. The empathy and compassion you held for me was valid, unchanged, beyond your own appreciation. And I knew.
It is has been said that GOD uses the simple to confound the wise and yes, in this situation the saying rings true. The simple admonition of one believer to another cuts to the quick! I am undone and so unwise.
LORD bring balance to this lopsided soul. Please forgive my own undoing and allow me time to mend the lives I have trampled in showman form. Father Almighty, it is Your perfect, precious Love that I have denied and thusly I have become a noisy clang. Forgive me. It is Your Love O LORD, that has sustained me through hours of pain and difficulty. How is it then that I have not shared that Love with those around me?
Were they too close and potentially harmful to me? One who thinks myself refined, reserved and restrained? Was it my fear of being seen, flawed and unstable? Could it have been the lack of righteousness that caused me to lose all perspective and balance in You O GOD? Oh Jesus, weigh me out and balance me now in Your Spirit, by Your Grace. Grant me Your rich merciful sustaining peace. I have not earned it, never appreciated it, but now I desire it as never before.
I know I don’t deserve it. I have not shown anything remotely close to Your mercy or grace to anyone I have ever met. Balance me Christ Jesus through the power of Your Spirit and I will live to show a justified weight to world around me. No more hail fire, no more brimstone, only You Jesus… only You. I finally see the difference between messages delivered to the “saved” for the sake of criticism and restorative power of Your WORD.
Master allow me to tell them about You, about how You walked among men, unappreciated for Your stature; how You sought out the broken, healed the sick, loved the unlovely, and sacrificed Your life for all people to establish eternal salvation for the same. I have wasted so much time and realize I must tell everyone how You suffered at Calvary for our sakes, bearing OUR sins that each of us might be redeemed from the very pit of Sheol by receiving Your gift of Your unfailing love. LORD, if You will allow me, I will humbly love those I have shunned and rebuked and I will tell them how much You have loved a sinner, like me. LORD I surrender all.
Dear Friend thank you for not leaving me to my own sense of self. Now I seek the balance of Christ Jesus in the way I speak, live and most of all, love. Won’t you help me? I seek the newness of our LORD; His patient Love and forgiveness which balance out my impatient fervor. I seek now to live as Christ Jesus has truly called me. Won’t you help me? Usher me to the scale, my friend, forever.-
